The third member of the Badger household isn’t, strictly speaking, human. Nor is he in any sense alive – at least, not any more. When Badger and I began living together, he confessed a terrible secret: that he had always wanted a stuffed wild boar head hanging on the wall. So despite any reservations I may have had, and being in the first flush of love, I helped him track one down from an online dealer in dead beasts.
Edmund, as we call him, has lived with us now for a number of years. He has very tufty ears, yellowing tusks and a slightly greasy sheen to his bristles. He also looks enormously bad-tempered (well, wouldn’t you?) and has a small plastic boar from a set of Asterix figures shoved up his snout, thanks to Badger’s cubs.
Every year at Christmas, more indignities are heaped upon him in the form of baubles, hats and tinsel, and which he bears with a dignified glower. This year, however, Badger went a step further.
We’ve had a running joke between us for a while where the Duran Duran song ‘Wild Boys’ is re-dubbed ‘Wild Boars’ and the opening line ‘Wild boars! Wild boars!’ is shouted exuberantly and randomly. It’s one of those inexplicable (at least to other people) private jokes. Badger, with the help of his cubs, has now made it public.
With a cavalier disregard for copyright (I’ve added a crawly statement in the YouTube upload description, but it’s not going to fool le Bon, Taylor, Rhodes and the other ones) he has put together a tribute to wild boars everywhere – there’s a blink and you’ll miss it glimpse of Edmund in the opening drum line, then it’s hardcore boar action all the way. ‘Wild Boys’ was, famously, Duran Duran’s tribute to William Burroughs’ novel of the same name so I like to think of this as the porcine paean to the Beat Generation.
When you’re tucking into your wild boar pate this Christmas, spare a thought for Edmund and his fearsome chums: they’ve been feted through history, from the legend of Hercules and the Erymanthian Boar to the heraldic shield of Richard III. Surely Badger’s tribute to them is truly their finest hour…?